Diana's Diary - November 2009 - Manners make a merry Christmas

Having the whole family round the table for Christmas dinner can be hard enough but trying to make little children sit down, eat nicely and say please and thank you under the watchful gaze of grandparents, aunts, uncles and family friends only adds to the stress.

But this year, encourage your children to be as good as angels with an ingenious pack of Nice Bear, Naughty Bear cards. A perfect stocking filler, these beautifully illustrated pack of cards feature fun, cute and cuddly bears, each with its own little rhyme to encourage good manners.

Simple enough for even the youngest child to remember, they'll soon know them off by heart: "Please is such a magic word, make certain it is always heard," says Please Bear. Or "Keep your mouth shut when you chew, that's the proper thing to do," asks Table Manners Bear. Whereas "Greedy bears take more than they need, and then eat it with disgusting speed" might be one to show to grown-ups at Christmas too!

The Nice Bear, Naughty Bear Good Manners Card Games not only help children learn good manners but also social skills: "Sharing makes for happy bears, as it shows that someone cares," says Sharing Bear.  They can be used to play ‘Snap', ‘Memory',  ‘Joker Bear' or ‘Statues' and can be enjoyed by all the family. What's more, they are easy to send by post - just pop them in a jiffy bag.

So help your children keep manners in mind, despite all the excitement and they will be little stars that sparkle this Christmas.

Nice Bear Naughty Bear - The Good Manners Card Games - £6.99. Available online at www.nicebearnaughtybear.com

For more information contact : Diana Mather 07976 719 721 Diana@publicimage.co.uk

~oOo~

Diana's Diary - September 2009 

People with good manners and excellent etiquette treat others with civility, think of others before themselves and have respect for each other.

Having good manners means behaving in a way that is socially acceptable in business as well as domestic life. If we all followed the guidelines of good manners and mutual respect, we would treat each other more kindly, behave more honestly and enjoy both professional and social success. 

Etiquette has evolved over the years, but unfortunately what is correct in one country might be an anathema in another. To create a positive image it is important to have some knowledge of the culture of a country when you visit, especially if you are going to do business there. That is also the case if you are entertaining visitors from overseas. An important aid to a positive image is good table manners. So much business is done over breakfast, lunch or dinner that eating with the mouth open or stabbing the air with a knife when making a point will bring the focus of attention on to a person's manners, rather than what the person is saying. If you are confronted by a complicated layout of knives and forks it can be very intimidating. It's all very well for someone to say ‘wait to see which one everybody else uses before you start,' but what if you are the guest of honour and everybody is waiting for you? It is not easy to present a confident image if you use the fruit knife when every body else is using a fish knife, so knowing the correct etiquette means you can concentrate on the people you are doing business with, rather than how you are going to eat the next course. It is also uncomfortable not to know how to address someone with a title, whether it is noble or professional. To have the information at your finger tips, whether you use it or not, gives confidence to cope with any situation, business or social.

One of the first things we notice about other people is their clothes and knowing the correct etiquette regarding how to dress for different occasions is vital. Making a positive first impression is very important.  Gentlemen, if you are not sure how formal the event is going to be always err on the side of caution and wear a suit. If you feel on arriving that you are over dressed you can always take off your tie. For ladies life is much easier, a suit or a smart jacket with either skirt or trousers will be suitable for all business and most formal social occasions. 

In many countries etiquette requires that you do not use a first name until invited to do so, whereas in a lot of instances in UK or US today, almost immediately you will find yourself on first name terms. You cannot go wrong if you say ‘How do you do Mr Smith' (or whatever his name happens to be) or ‘Good Morning/Afternoon' when meeting someone for the first time. ‘How do you do' is not a question, but a statement, so the correct answer is ‘how do you do.'  The hand shake is also critical. Shaking somebody's hand should be a gesture of peace, trust and friendship, so more than a little attention should be paid regarding its execution!  A handshake can tell you a lot about a person as it is often the only skin on skin contact we have with them, but what is The Correct Handshake? I would say it is a firm clasp that goes on to one ‘pump'.

A firm handshake is vital, and makes a strong impression on the person you are meeting for the first time, which is vital if you want to encourage trust and respect. If someone in a powerful position offers a limp lettuce or a wet fish you can't help but question how they got where they did, and wonder where their weak point is, as not responding wholeheartedly to a handshake indicates there might be something to hide.

The enthusiastic ‘pumper' or the ‘clinging vine' can also be a menace. Some people just don't know when to let go, which can cause a problem if you are trying to meet a number of people in a jam-packed room. If you find the contact becoming a little too prolonged, gently slide your hand away and briefly touch the arm to show that you are not affecting a rebuff.  ‘The clammy handshake' also sends out signs of nervousness or shiftiness, which is very unfortunate as some of us have naturally clammier hands than others.  If someone suffers from sweaty palms, they should ensure they carry some astringent wipes to keep the hands as dry as possible. If the problem is caused by shyness or nervousness, deep breathing and positive visualisation can be very effective, but if things are really bad there is medical help available these days.

It can be interesting to watch out for personality traits in the way a hand is proffered; the person to offer the hand first is generally the most assertive and the strength of contact can be an indicator of character. If you put out your hand and no hand is offered in return, that person is either very shy, has a hygiene phobia or is trying to put you down! It is interesting to note that a dominant handshake is offered with the palm face down, whereas a submissive hand shake is when the palm faces up, so the answer is to aim for equal status - arm outstretched with the hand horizontal, thumb facing upwards to show mutual respect.  Some women today tend to go overboard and are almost fierce in the way they grasp a hand. No need to over do it! It's quite sufficient to take the hand, squeeze it firmly and then let go.

To kiss or not to kiss - that is the question. The golden rule in Britain is not to kiss on first meeting; unless of course someone kisses you then it is good manners to respond. But in France, for example, in a social situation giving an ‘embrace' on both cheeks is the norm. Many people give two kisses nowadays, but that too can cause problems - which cheek first? What you need to avoid at all costs is looking like two ostriches doing a mating dance with heads swinging from side to side, or worse still - to end up giving a smacker on the lips! Take the lead and go for your right cheek to their left and just brush the surface.

But there are instances where it is better not to shake hands or embrace. At large gatherings when people might have food or drinks in their hands or the room is very crowded; then a genuine smile and a warm ‘hello' is all that is needed.

~oOo~

Diana's Diary - June 2009

I have just come back from another spell in Kenya, but this time I visited Rwanda too. Rwanda is known as ‘the land of 1000 hills' and Kigali, the capital, nestles prettily amongst several of them. It is very green and has the air of a well ordered and thriving city. It is fifteen years since the genocide, and President Kagame seems to be doing a good job of bringing unity and prosperity to the country.

We landed on a misty morning at Kigali International Airport (very small and clean) after the short trip from Nairobi. June in Nairobi is turning cold, as it is their second winter, but in Kigali the temperature was about 22 degrees. By lunchtime the sun was out and the heat was on, but not unpleasantly so. I decided to try two different levels of hotels to test customer service levels, as that is one of the main areas of our work in East Africa. The first was Chez Lando - not far from the airport and very reasonable at $60 a night. You get what you pay for. The room was basic but clean, although the water supply to the bathroom was a bit erratic.  There are number of neat apartments in the gardens which are rented out at $100 per room. They are more modern and if I was staying for any length of time I think I would opt for one of these. There is a restaurant that serves most of the day and quite late into the evening. By the time I had lunch it was late, so I thought I would try a pizza. I have to say it was unlike one I have ever had before, but if you like half a ton of chorizo on your 4 Seasons, then it would be fine!

The next night I stayed at the 5 Star Kigali Serena Hotel. The Serena group is one of the best known in East Africa, and I was treated to a mostly 5 Star experience - apart from a shaky start as there was a problem with drains - but this was eventually sorted out. The staff were very welcoming, but I did find that the fourth time I was asked if I was enjoying my meal, I was about to tell them!

Everyone I met, whether it was at pre-arranged meetings or just cold calling, was charming and did their best to give me time or fit me in to their busy schedules. From an international point of view, Rwanda represents an important test case for the emerging post-conflict agenda. The international community has rarely invested so much in justice and human rights as part of an attempt to restore peace and promote democracy and reconciliation. It is described as a society destroyed, divided, suspicious, poor, and traumatized, and I am sure this is true, but the welcome you get and the smiles you receive - in Kigali at any rate - gives the impression of a community working together, and we are looking forward to being part of it.

~oOo~ 

Diana's Diary - February 2009

Most of my time this last couple of months has been taken up developing Nice Bears and Naughty Bears! We tested the Nice Bears Naughty Bear playing cards on the market over Christmas and were really pleased with the response. We are also piloting the concept in schools here in the North West and in Devon and again, the reaction has been really positive. They are very versatile and can be used in all sorts of ways to help children learn good manners and respect for each other. There are a couple of articles about to come out, one in the Oxford Times and the other in the Mail on Sunday's ‘You' magazine, which is very exciting.

I must say, reading the papers over the last few days, has made me wonder where on earth we are heading in Britain today. The sight of the 13 year old baby-faced father (if he is indeed the father) with his 15 year ‘girl friend' and baby Maisie makes my heart sink. When are we going to have the courage to say that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable? Those young parents have lost their childhood and what will happen to the baby, only time will tell.  With the media as it is today these young parents get their 15 minutes of fame and what message does that send out? Have a baby as young as possible and you will be all over the papers with shed loads of money coming in to keep you living happily ever after. Unfortunately those of us, who are a little older and perhaps wiser, know that is not the case. And what happens when all the publicity dies down and the celebrity status fades? There is the reality of broken nights, endless nappies and a human being who needs constant 24 hour attention.  

I am also concerned about Jade Goody and our seemingly endless appetite for voyeurism. Her very public fight against cervical cancer has resulted in a twenty per cent rise in the number of women having smear tests, which must be a good thing, but the idea of her actually being filmed dying on television is absolutely appalling. I know the money she gets will help her two small boys, but all the good she has done by bravely publicising her illness would surely be totally undermined if her death as well as her life just becomes a moment on reality TV.

Well, that's all for this month. I'll be talking about the Trisha Show next time.

Take care till then!

~oOo~ 

Diana's Diary November 2008

Quite a lot has happened since I last wrote my diary in September. We have had some interesting Ladies Etiquette Courses in London and participants included an American fashion stylist, a Chinese accountant and a Nigerian doctor. I always learn a huge amount from our courses, as I find out more about the culture and customs of different countries. For instance it is the custom in Nigeria for young people to show respect for their elders by bowing or kneeling when they meet. Boys are supposed to completely prostrate themselves in the street when they meet someone over 50 - I must say it sounds good to me, I only wish we had a little more respect for older people in the UK!

We are launching a new initiative to help teach manners to young children which should be on the market by the end of this month. Teaching children manners as young as possible makes it much easier and our approach aims to be appealing and fun.

With the excitement of Christmas on the horizon, it is important to think about those all important ‘Thank You Letters' and how you are going to get your children to write them! It really is essential to get children into the habit of writing to say ‘thank you' when they are young. Even if it is only signing their name or writing just a couple of lines to begin with, the principle is there and hopefully set for later life.

Writing should be encouraged because in these days of computers and mobile phones they will probably grow up communicating via a keyboard of some sort. However, we shouldn't forget that in the workplace hand writing is becoming increasingly important as a way of determining personality so a confident, legible hand can be a real advantage and again - should be developed from childhood.

The Tip of the Week:  ‘Saying Thank You!'

1.   The general rule is to say ‘thank you' within a week of the event

2.   For a drinks party it is fine to say thank you by phone

3.   The same after a lunch party

4.   After dinner, the correct etiquette is to write a short note

5.   Following a weekend stay the proper thing is to write a letter

6.   Texting is better than nothing, but is still not accepted etiquette as yet

7.   Only thank by e-mail if you were invited by e-mail or if you know someone well

~oOo~ 

Life has been so busy over the last three months that I haven't even had time to write my diary! In August we ran a very successful Young Ladies course at Willington Hall in Cheshire. We had two sisters from Angola as well as young ladies from Hampshire, Shropshire and Cheshire. The opening of The Public Image Finishing School in Kenya was a dream come true for me and we moved into our new premises in Lavington, Nairobi. The course content was very similar to the one we teach in the UK, and although we may make some changes, it went down well. Young ladies in Kenya have the same aspirations as young ladies in Britain and other parts of the world. They want to be treated with respect and they want to explore their femininity, which I think is encouraging in this rather aggressive world.

We have appointed two new tutors, which is important as up until now nearly all the training has been done by me, and it is vital that courses go ahead when I am back in the UK. During my last trip I stayed at Tribe, the fantastic new 5 Star hotel at Village Market. As we have trained all the staff it was great to see how they performed, even though I was the only guest for the first week - I must say I have never had such service in my life! The hotel wasn't officially open so the chef, Neill, was able to use me to try out some really delicious recipes and after working twelve hour days I was more than ready for them - it was splendid for my palate but dreadful for my waistline!  As the hotel is some forty-five minutes drive (on a good day) from the Finishing School it meant braving the horrendous Nairobi traffic twice a day. Driving in Nairobi is not for the faint hearted. Drivers there have the ability to turn two lanes into four by happily using pavements, verges and the central reservation. However, Tribe's luxurious surroundings made the journeys more than bearable.

Since coming home I have been working on various new projects that I will tell you more about next month and I am going to review the Papers on Sky News for the first time this week, which is something I am really looking forward to. One of the things that we get asked about more than anything else is table manners. It sounds so obvious but clearly it is something that still worries people, so I will leave you our tip of the week:

The Tip of the Week:  ‘Table Manners'

1.    The general rule is to start from the outside in

2 .   Knives, spoons & glasses on the right

3.    Forks, plates & napkins on the left

4.    Hold your knife in the right hand with the index finger on the top - don't hold it like a pen

5.   The fork is held in the left hand (unless eating something like a rice or pasta dish, when it is used on its own
      in the right hand) with the index finger on the top and the tines facing down

6.    Pudding (the sweet course) should be eaten with a spoon & fork

7.    Put cutlery down when you are not actually eating

8.    Keep elbows in to your sides & off the table

9.   Don't rush your food

10. Don't speak with the mouth full! 

Keep well and take care.

Diana

~oOo~ 

Diana's Diary August 2008
 
I don't want to bore you by talking about Public Image for hours, but I thought this diary might be a way of giving you some useful tips as well as keeping you up to date with what is happening here at Public Image.
 
I have just landed in Nairobi where we have set up Public Image East Africa. I first started coming here almost exactly a year ago after receiving an e-mail asking if we would like to develop a programme on manners for schools in Kenya. It sounded a very interesting project so two of us came over to suss things out. As it turned out, the main interest in the courses has come from the business and corporate arena, but we are also working with schools. It has been a fascinating experience and we have learned a lot from setting up a business in another country.One thing I have found from working in various countries and cultures is that it's the similarities that amaze me - not the differences. We are now about to set up a permenant Finishing School here in Nairobi,  which will be really exciting, so I will keep you posted on that.
 
That's enough about us for the moment - let's concentrate on you!  Here is my Tip for the Week:
 
THE FIVE MINUTE ENERGY BOOST
 
I have been doing this night and morning for several months and I have noticed a boost in my energy levels and a reduction in stress and tension. Correct breathing helps renew the cells by pumping oxygen round the blood stream, and it gives you lots of vitality too.
 
Step One:
Raise your arms as high as you can while you breath in to the count of five.
 
Step Two:
Hold your breath to the count of ten with your arms still raised, stretching all the time.
 
Step Three:
Breath out to the count of ten whilst bringing your arms down slowly and touching your toes.
 
This should be done at least five times (hence the Five Minute Boost) morning and night.  It is also a very good thing to do after lunch - but give your food a little time to digest - as it will give you added energy to get through the rest of the day if you're feeling a bit tired or sluggish.
 
In the future I will show you The Five Minute Facial to go with the breathing  - it really does reduce fine lines and wrinkles!
 
Please let me know whether the Energy Boost works for you.
 
Bye for now and have a good week!

Diana Mather - Managing Director